“Happiness is a journey, not a destination. for a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin – real life. but there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. at last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. this perspective has helped me to see there is no way to happiness. happiness is the way. so treasure every moment you have and remember that time waits for no one.”- Souza

By Ryan Hilligoss, November 4, 2023

The young family moved into their newly purchased home in June of 2006. A husband, wife, 2-year old boy and 2-month old baby girl. The house was built in 2002 but still seemed brand new on that day, at least in his mind. A small front yard, two-car garage, large fenced-in back yard for the two-year old and the soon-to come dogs to run around. Three bedrooms, a family room, a living room and large open kitchen with cozy dining area.

Furniture in the nearby rental van would shortly fill the rooms and art would be hung on the walls. The couch still inside the van would soon support the 2 month-old as she grew into a walker, holding on to the edges as she learned her way.

The house changed with the years. New patio pavers were added in the back, new concrete steps were replaced on the front and new landscaping stones curved around the flower bed. In the blink of an eye, the kids were 10 and 8. Endless whiffle ball home runs over the back fence for the boy and countless bubbles blown through a plastic straw for the girl, who laughed wildly as she spun around, popping bubbles with her small hands.

As the kids got older still, the husband and wife grew apart. The death of two parents, medical issues, long-distance support requiring frequent, long drives home to help care for a third parent all placed undue stress on everyone involved. This is how life runs good people who are simply trying their best to get through each day through a meat grinder, mashing the blood and bone down to fundamental atoms of existence, until they’re unrecognizable as their former selves.

Soon divorce became inevitable. The wife didn’t want the house. To keep a semblance of consistency for the kids in the only house they knew, the husband stayed behind. New paint on the walls, new carpet to replace the dog-stained old one, new kitchen table to start new memories over family meals.

Time moved on. The kids now shared two homes, and as they got older and began to develop interests and friendships, they spent less and less time at the house. It grew heavy with memories, and to the husband, it seemed as though ghosts filled the hallways and backyard. But he stayed, out of habit, out of what he knew and what seemed familiar, right or wrong, mostly wrong.

And now the house is home to father and son while mother and daughter live a short few miles away by car, but a galaxy away in other respects. The husband – he still thinks of himself as ‘the husband’ – remains alone out of self preservation, not wanting to take a chance, his heart locked up tight behind a friendly smile, glasses and an ever-present baseball hat.

Passing the time comes easily when working two jobs. What little downtime exists he spends listening to music, watching movies and reading books. There are so many books. The house groans with an ever-increasing number of possessions, but the man remains alone.

On reflection, it’s true that he came by it honestly in life, his mom forever collecting antiques, clothes and household goods until every room in his childhood home was bursting, slowly becoming a veritable museum of curiosities. But at this age, that’s no excuse for continuing to make poor decisions.

The weight of disappointment, regret and lost time is heavy, but as he has grown to learn from a bitter divorce, as well as the deaths of his mother, brother and former in-laws, life is too short even on its longest days. It’s too short to spend it wasting those remaining days holding on to the past, afraid of the future.

Filling rooms in an empty house with material goods doesn’t heal your soul. The man is finally learning life is much more than buying yet another book, more coffee mugs, one more souvenir t-shirt. He slowly..and then all at once, comes to an important realization. It’s time to declutter the house of unneeded possessions. Time, too, to declutter his heart and mind of a past that can never be undone.

It’s time to start anew, make better decisions, find the sunshine in life and let it shine on his face. Open his heart to the beauty of possibility. A house is not a home if there is no one to share it with, no one to care for. A house is not a home if there is no laughter and smiles and dreams to be made. A house is not a home without life and love.

Maybe it’s time to let the house go for a new family to make their own memories. It’s time for this man to build a home once again. May you all find the sunshine, find the soul shine, find the one who can help you heal the scars and help you learn to love again. It’s time to let the old ways die, to learn from the past and look to the future and to the possibilities that lie ahead.